Not as bad as I thought

Oh, life still sucks, I still have a crick in my next from pure stress, I still can’t sleep for worrying about money.

BUT, I might not lose my car! I finally bit the apple and opened the envelope I had most dreaded, from the company I lease my car, and it wasn’t a notification that the contract is breached and that they were impounding the car. It was just a bill! Wow, my attitude has really shifted if I can say that with such a sense of relief and joy.

It was just a bill!

Of course, I still can’t pay it, but it’s not due until the end of the month so I am choosing not to stress about it right now. What really struck me was how BIG that envelope had become, the corner where it sat was like Mordor for all that I wanted to approach it (yes, I drop LOTR references into pretty much everything. I’m THAT cool), yet when I finally did open it, it was not even close to as bad as I had feared. The amount of power I allowed that thing to have over me these past few days, and it was nothing (well, not nothing, but you know what I mean)! I feel so silly for not having addressed it earlier.

I guess this is what happens when you face your fears?

Anyway, that’s not even the most exciting thing to happen today!

You don’t know me very well yet, but I am a budding writer. And the stuff I write? FILTH, I tell ya, pure FILTH! In other words, erotic fiction. I have several finished manuscripts sitting around on my hard drive, gathering dust, but about 6 months ago I decided to brush the dust off one of them. I did an edit, and then another one, and then I sent it off to a long list of publishers. Out of all of them, three came back to me with a positive response, and I finally decided to proceed with one. But what followed was such a chaotic experience (and I have enough chaos in my life, thank you very much) that in the end I pulled the book. I was feeling pretty disillusioned by the whole thing, so for months I did nothing.

Then, last night, I sat down to make a list of things I can sell (see my previous post, it goes into my dream and the steps I need to take to make it come true). Not that I had planned to start selling my furniture right away, but just to have a list of assets to estimate what I might be able to get for them in a year or so. And it occurred to me, a finished manuscript that a publisher had thought was good enough to publish, that’s a pretty good asset, right? So why not self-publish?

Writer’s forums go on and on about the pitfalls of self-publishing, and I am sure there are plenty, but honestly, I’m not shakespeare. I write romantic stories with some hot sex thrown in. And if I crash and burn, it would hardly leave me any worse off than I already am, right? So I did it, and LOOK:

Isn’t it pretty??? For three days, starting tomorrow, it will be free (or as free as I can make it, there are some tax laws in some countries which means there might be a nominal fee)! You would help me out a LOT if you download it and give me a review. It’s not too long, it’s not going to change your life, but for a couple of hours it will hopefully give you a few smiles and a few blushes.

What more is there? 🙂


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