Still single, after all these years

I have been complaining about my lack of employment for a while now, time to change the subject:

I am 34 and single.

A few years ago I tried dating a younger man. Quite a bit younger. I was 30, he was 23. I’m still not sure if the mohawk was a plus or a minus (his, not mine), but there’s definitely something to be said for youthful enthusiasm. Unfortunately, my age and experience answered with a stern ”It’s 3 a clock at night! Sure, cuddling is nice, but I JUST WANT TO SLEEP! Leave me alooone!”

It didn’t last very long.

My last attempt at dating was with a man so handsome that for the first three months, all I could say to him was “hummina hummina hummina”. Once I got past his looks (hummina hummina, ignore the spittle, that’s just me drooling, hummina), I realised that he has never had to develop a personality. Over the X months we went out, I don’t think he ever made me laugh. He was smart, don’t get me wrong, he’d studied renewable energy and lived many years abroad in Germany, France and Russia, but him talking about the environment while I found increasingly stupid reasons to touch his abs (“I was walking on the carpet wearing socks and wanted to check if there would be any static electricity if I touched you. No? Better make absolutely sure…”) could only keep the relationship going for so long.

Since then, I have been single. And honestly, I’m find with it. There is no man-shaped hole in my life waiting to be filled, if anything I would have to make room for a man in order to be in a relationship, and he would have to be pretty spectacular for me to make the effort.

Still, the parental units still want to see me “safely settled”. Cause it’s 200 years ago and the only way I can be safe and settled is with a man. But that’s a whole other rant.

Luckily my older brother has married, which takes some of the pressure off, but my mum did exclaim a while back, over dinner with a couple of my single friends and their parents, ”why does nobody want our daughters??”

I have no idea, mum. Honestly, I’m great. My modesty is only one of my MANY wonderful qualities.

But I’m pretty happy with my life, man or no man. That counts, right?

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